Know That I Loved You
by Of Darklings and Shadow Men
Summary: Warning: spoilers for Ruin and Rising! Just a short story of what happened after the Darkling dove after his mother at the Spinning Wheel.


**This is just a little clip of what happened after the Darkling dove after his mother in Ruin and Rising. Hope you like it! **

**The Darkling**

Through the whirl of shadows and mist, Baghra stared sightlessly toward me. The Spinning Wheel had gone almost completely silent as we faced each other. I could see Alina standing off to one side, her frightened gaze flicking between us. The tracker was beside her.

Suddenly, Baghra opened her arms wide, letting her power grow. Then she slammed her hands together. A great _crack_ shook the mountains and blackness bled from her palms. It writhed and coiled in the air, surrounding the _nichevo'ya_ and making them shriek in confusion. They didn't know which master to follow. But Baghra's power was greater in this moment, and they flocked to her. Gritting my teeth in anger, I watched her raise her shadowy gaze to me again.

"Know that I loved you," she told me, and I stiffened. "Know that it was not enough." She stepped up onto the wall and in the space of a heartbeat, she simply fell into the mist. A blossoming wave of inky darkness tumbled after her, trailing screeching _nichevo'ya_ in its wake.

It felt like everything disappeared. "No!"

Without pausing to think, I let myself drop. I plunged down through the mists, my monsters, my nothings whirling around me in a chittering mass of black. They wailed like beasts of another world, wanting to stop my fall, but unable to. I pushed myself downward, streaking toward the ground at breakneck speed, searching desperately for Baghra's frail form below. There was nothing but wind and mist, stinging my face and blowing my hair back.

My thoughts were in chaos. I was torn. I knew I should turn back, reclaim control over the Spinning Wheel. Take Alina and the tracker and return to the Shadow Fold. But that logic was all burned away by a single, aching thought: _I have to save her_.

In a dizzying rush of speed, the ground rose to meet me. Baghra was nowhere to be seen. Furious, I pulled up as hard as I could, stopping before I hit the ground below. The _nichevo'ya_ set me down gently and spun in lazy circles around me, hissing and clicking. With a wave of my hand, they vanished from sight. I spun, staring out at the bleak landscape, my hair whipping across my forehead and into my eyes.

"Baghra!" I shouted. The wind snatched my voice and ripped it into nothing. "_Baghra_!"

There was no answer.

"Foolish old woman," I growled, curling my hands into fists. "_Where are you_?!" I whirled again—and spotted a dark form in the snow a couple yards away. I froze. Then I steeled myself and strode toward her. I stopped above her and stared down motionlessly.

Baghra lay still and silent. Her hair spilled behind her like a black pool and her eyes were closed. Her body was crumpled in on itself, curled up as if she were sleeping. But her arms were bent at an unnatural angle and she didn't move at all.

"Get up," I ordered.

Silence. An inky strand of hair trailed over her face.

"Dammit, I said _get up_!" I snarled. I reached out and prodded her with the toe of my boot. She rolled limply onto her back, one hand flopping into the snow. Her chest was still. I stared at her. It felt like ice was seeping into me, stealing my breath and making me ache with cold.

"Baghra," I said, calmer this time. "Baghra, you have to get up." She didn't respond and I raked one hand through my hair. I pushed the reality of this away from me. I would not accept it. "Baghra, I can take you to the Little Palace. You can have your hut and your fire. You can—you can have—"

And something inside of me broke.

I spun away with a roar, slashing my arm down in uncontrollable rage. A mighty _boom_ rocked the earth and a mountain miles from me split in two, carved open by the Cut. I lashed out again and again, slicing the tops off four peaks in showers of rock and snow. I was breathing raggedly and my vision had gone blurry. I speared fingers back through my hair again, shuddering. I glanced down at her body.

With a cry of anger, I flung my arms open, shutting my eyes, and slammed them together again. Darkness shot from me, spilling to the ground in thick black sheets, snaking toward a monstrous mountain in the distance. It hit its mark and the whole world shook with thunder as the mountain exploded. Boulders rained down in a cloud of dust and ice. In the heart of it all, shadows writhed and danced like sinister ghosts.

I knelt down beside her and, after hesitating for only a second, gathered her into my arms. I cradled her against me, studying the face of the woman who had taught me everything. She held no warmth now as I pressed her to me and her eyes remained closed. Almost peaceful.

"Baghra, please," I murmured. My eyes stung. Shocked, I realized I had to blink back tears. "Please, wake up."

She said nothing, did nothing. She was nothing.

I leaned down and touched my forehead to hers, hugging her to me in the cold. A shudder ran down me and I clenched my teeth. "_Mom_," I whispered hoarsely. "_Don't leave me_."

Of course, no answer came. I shivered and took a deep, shaky breath. "I'm sorry," I breathed. It was almost a sob. "I'm so sorry. I didn't...I still loved you. No matter what I did, I still loved you." I buried my face in her hair and let the tears come. There was no one to see.

I admitted it there, in the ice and snow. I loved her.

In the end, it hadn't been enough.


End file.
